what do i actually want to achieve from my job?
is it all material stuffs that i pursue while i slog my head off?
i wanted to "serve the society"! thats the very reason i applied to be a teacher once i'm eligible to apply when i was in my final year in university. sadly, i was rejected. i dun stop there.. i apply and apply till i forget how many times i applied. however, i just dun get a chance to be granted an interview...
so is it my fault?
i wanted to show the righteous side of me and i wanted to apply to join the police force. till now, i still dun have the chance to fill up the application form as no position is open for me...
so it is my fault again?
i've loans to pay. i've a step-mother that is constantly nagging infront of me for more money, where i think i've already done much better than my peers by giving more than they do, even thou my peers are earning more than me. she just dun see the picture and keep on having unfair comparisons between me and her friends' children... and my dad is getting weirdo by working yet not willing to spend. whats the point of saving that extra bit of money? it dun make u rich overnite but makes the whole family in constant chaos just over money...
i'm not really materialistic. i just want to earn to pay back my study loans and be debt free ASAP. i dun wish for BIG car or BIG house. i'm pretty ok with public transport although i wish to have my own car. i dun need a condo, just need a 3-4room flat will do. i eat simple in hawker centres and kopitiam and seldom in restaurants...
i've not lost myself in the world where money is of piority. i know some of my friends are already blinded by making more money. i don't, as i know what i want in life.
i'm not going to be brought down just because MOE look down on my lousy degree and thats the reason i take up my masters even thou i'm still suffering financially. i'm willing to work hard with the aim of a better quality of life, with the passion of teaching. this time round i don't want to teach in secondary or primary schools. i want to teach in ITE or poly.. i want to make sure MOE eat their words of not hiring me yet hiring those people who have no passion for teaching but just wana have a job for the sake of having a job..
so its not all about money and wealth that i'm after... there is more meaning in life than money..
ok.. i shall stop my crapping and start studying now... exam is next saturday... and i'm not even halfway there..