the world is not black nor white.
there are things which you know are right to do but you don't do. there are things which you know are not right but you still do. there are also things that you do not want to know so that you can do not need to be in a situation to choose to do or not to do.
i finally understand myself a little better: i cannot do things that i know is not right. i cannot sleep well if i do it.
i made the right choice to join the force.