i'm beginning to lose sight on what i want to achieve. my path ahead is getting blurry. i dunno what i want. i may seems to be contented with what i have now but something within me, a voice, is trying to tell me that its not enough. yes, its telling me that i need to achieve more, i deserve more....

for the past few weeks, i and a few of my uni friends cum NS buddies will meet up once a week for la-kopi session. without fail, our topics of discussion revolve around work, finding work, interviews as well as updates of one another. well.. i'm not the brightest among them yet i'm kinda the earliest to secure a job while they are still actively trying to gain employment. perhaps that's luck. i always feel that i'm being blessed in a certain way that even i cannot explain myself. one good example is when i was choosing my industrial attachment company, i did not get my first few choices and i landed myself up in an incineration plant. i guess most will flee far away after associating smelly, dirty, rats, cockroaches, rubbish, etc with an incineration plant. but i didn't. i take it as a good chance for me to learn and enjoy and i did. i enjoyed my 6 months there till i actually feel kinda sad when i need to leave the company when the 6 months up. during final year study in the university, i chose to major in a course which is regarded as a greying industry and with low employment opportunities as demand is not high for people in this area. yet again, i'm one of those who secured a job faster than those who chose a final year option that is so popular yet job seems to be hard to find. i really think that's luck.

2 of my NS buddies turn to being financial advisors (aka insurance agents) right after graduation. to me, i'm the sort that prefers job security so i'm kinda "anti" the thought of me being one of them. however, it seems that within 2-3 months they have been doing fairly well. i believe that they are earning much more than me who is a salaried employee. one of them even aims for the goal of earning $10k per month within 3 years. haha... i wonder if i can even hit $3k within 3 years. the inner voice in me starts to speak up. yup.. i envy them for the amount of money they earn. i envy them for the purchasing power they have. i really hope to earn more so that i can have more money to spend, better quality of life, more material goods to enjoy.... materalistic? i'm not till that stage yet although i like admit that i like branded stuffs and finer things in life and i hope to own a few more of them if possible. in singapore, its norm to benchmark each success by the amount of money that he/she can earn per month as its the only thing tangible. sometimes i just feel so tempted to join them, hopping to earn big bucks soon... haizzz...

i used to tell myself that i'm a simple person and i'll be contented with a comfortable pay. so what is the definition of a comfortable pay? how long do i need before i earn the comfortable pay?

i know i need to do something and not just sit down there and wait for mana to drop from the sky. but what can i do to ensure that happens? study? work harder?

i really dunno...